by G.D. Maxwell

Writing is not a career. It’s not a job, profession, vocation, trade or occupation.

Writing’s a sentence. And no, that’s not a self-referential joke.

Writing’s a life sentence. Part craft, part art, all taskmaster. It’s a questionable way to earn a living and the very sad truth is it’s getting harder to accomplish that than ever before.

When people ask, “How can I break into writing?” I ask if they’ve considered therapy instead… or smack, since it’s an easier addiction to kick.

But whether it’s you, a loved one, or the ultimate heartbreak of a child who wants to be a writer, here are a few good reasons to consider an alternate lifestyle.

1) You’ll starve. The Internet is the ultimate best-of-times, worst-of-times for writers. Everyone can ‘publish’ — and sadly, everyone does — but no one gets paid. After decades of earning a living writing I still get a handful of requests yearly to “…write something for my new website.”

“What do you pay?”

“We don’t have a budget just yet to pay writers. But you’ll get great exposure!”

As my friend and former editor, Jules Older, likes to say, a person could die of exposure trying to be a writer.

2) The writer’s life is a cruel irony. Your friends don’t think you ‘work’ since you don’t really have a job. But you’re never not working. Writers may only write a couple of hours a day but writing’s only a sliver of the writer’s life. You’re always on. Always observing, noting, jotting down ideas, random thoughts, stolen lines of other’s conversations, juggling disjointed storylines that may develop into, well, something.

And when you’re not destroying brain cells doing that, you’re attending to the myriad other details of running a small business. Oh, hadn’t thought of that, eh? It’s called getting paid. If you don’t do it, you’re not a writer — you have a hobby.

3) People will think you’re crazy. That’s because you’re generally oblivious about your personal appearance and hygiene, your thrift-store chic and, heaven forbid, the seeming squalour and disarray of your home, assuming you’re ever silly enough to let anyone see it.

Oh, and even though you don’t notice it, you’ll very likely develop the disconcerting habit of talking to people — you’ll call them characters — who only exist in your head. It’s a habit sane people usually outgrow around the age of five.

4) The only part of your anatomy that’s likely to be more fit than a 65-year-old Swede is your fingers… left thumb excepted.

5) If you’re under 30, and have therefore grown up in the Age of Self-Esteem, you can kiss any you’ve developed goodbye. You’ll experience more rejection than an acne riddled geek trying to date a cheerleader.

6) Suppose you decide to be a workaday writer, a journalist, since that’s where the jobs(sic) are? A recent Pew survey found journalists rank barely higher than business execs and lawyers in public esteem, below even clergy and artists. Artists!

7) You’re not Joseph Boyden.